Those who know me well know that I left the comfort zone -that in which one is agustito and comfortable- a long time ago and in order to follow what my heart and conscience dictated to me,,es,I made a very big bet,,es,Covered by that magnificent phrase that says "if you want to get different results,,es,try different methods ",,es,I looked for my happiness in the communication sector,,es,But the unyielding and rigid system of access to companies,,es,through precarious scholarships,,es, hice una apuesta muy grande. Amparado por esa magnífica frase que dice “si quieres conseguir resultados distintos, prueba diferentes métodos”, busqué mi felicidad en el sector de la comunicación. Pero el inamovible y rígido sistema de acceso a empresas, a través de becas precarias, it upset my plans to practice as a journalist because I did not pray as a student anywhere,,es,I already had the title,,es,Human resources gurus thought it a crime for an engineer with nine years of experience to go down to the level of a fellow,,es,Or maybe they doubted my honesty and thought I was not willing to start over,,es,Ilusos,,es. Ya tenía el título. Además, a los gurús de recursos humanos les parecía un crimen que un ingeniero con nueve años de experiencia bajara al nivel de becario. O quizá dudaban de mi honestidad y pensaban que no estaba dispuesto a volver a empezar. Ilusos.
It was then that I decided to cheat the system by enrolling in a master's degree in digital marketing – which had to do with communication, which I like so much and I'm sure there was more work than being a journalist – with the idea of accessing a company as an intern and becoming stronger inside.. Una especie de caballo de Troya en versión networking. Pero la ilusión por mi empresa me duró un par de meses. Al ver que se acercaba el verano y nadie me llamaba, me entró el miedo y me sumí en una negatividad perenne. I was tormented by the idea that the labor market had condemned me to follow the path I had started at twenty-two and was not allowed to change,,es,If I even received engineer offers without having requested them,,es,I became taciturn and started doing things by inertia,,es,Until one day,,es,I received the call of an SME inviting me to a selection process,,es,At that moment my senses woke up and I abandoned the stupor that had enveloped me for weeks,,es,It was a passing sensation,,es. ¡Si hasta me llegaban ofertas de ingeniero sin haberlas solicitado! Me volví taciturno y empecé a hacer las cosas por inercia.
Hasta que un día, recibí la llamada de una pyme invitándome a un proceso de selección. En ese instante mis sentidos se despertaron y abandoné el sopor que me envolvía desde hacía semanas. Sin embargo, fue una sensación pasajera, because the next day while going to the interview,,es,I saw myself from the outside as a discouraged and untrustworthy being,,es,I did not know what to expect from those people who had contacted me and my self-esteem was at minimum levels,,es,When I got into the car, I decided that was not the attitude,,es,if things are done,,es,you have to do them well,,es,I took a deep breath and the rearview mirror gave me a look that gave me confidence,,es,The meeting was better than I expected,,es, me vi a mí mismo desde fuera como un ser desanimado y sin confianza. No sabía qué esperar de esa gente que me había contactado y mi autoestima andaba en niveles mínimos. No obstante, al subirme al coche decidí que esa no era la actitud. In the end, si las cosas se hacen, hay que hacerlas bien. Respiré hondo y el espejo retrovisor me devolvió una mirada que me transmitió seguridad.
El encuentro fue mejor de lo que me esperaba. In fact, as the conversation progressed I felt more comfortable with myself,,es,and I would even say that a chemistry was established with which I would be my boss that I liked in a way I did not feel in a long time,,es,After half an hour they called me from human resources and the deal was made,,es,In a few days I would say goodbye to my life as an engineer to start a new life as a "marketer" and communicator,,es,My situation was getting worse - starting from scratch means giving up a good salary,,es,status,,es, e incluso diría que se estableció una química con el que sería mi jefe que me agradó de una forma que no sentía en mucho tiempo. A la media hora me llamaron desde recursos humanos y el trato estaba hecho. En unos días le diría adiós a mi vida de ingeniero para empezar una nueva vida como “marketiniano” y comunicador. My financial situation was getting worse – starting from scratch means giving up a good salary, estatus, benefits-, but he was willing to show the world that he was sincere when he claimed to want to change.
Lamentablemente mis ansias por ese cambio nublaron mi buen juicio y no me dejaron advertir que me estaba metiendo en las fauces de un monstruo. Al segundo día de estar en mi nuevo hábitat, my intuition began to whistle like an alarm in a department store warning me that the conditions were not being met and that was not like what I had been sold in that snake-enchanting number that turned out to be my initial interview,,es,I became a cliché,,es,the overqualified fellow who -in my case- took calls like a telemarketer but that,,es,for more inri,,es,he had left a stable and well-paid job,,es,I was prey to my illusions and those people,,es. Me convertí en un cliché: el becario sobrecualificado que –en mi caso– cogía llamadas como un teleoperador raso pero que, para mayor inri, había dejado un trabajo estable y bien remunerado. Fui presa de mis ilusiones y esa gente, used to market with people and not see beyond their own interest,,es,he took advantage of me,,es,I cried,,es,Oh, I cried,,es,but impotence more than anything else,,es,Because I kept quiet,,es,and did not understand how someone with more than ten years of experience had not defended himself better,,es,I guess looking at the eyes of my boss's cynic and the shameless director of that circus I understood that it was not worthwhile to waste any kind of emotional energy,,es,Wear too much,,es,So I was constructive and,,es,educated to the end,,es, se aprovechó de mí.
Lloré. ¡Vaya si lloré!, pero por impotencia más que por otra cosa. Porque me callé mucho, and I didn't understand how someone with more than ten years of experience had not defended himself better. Supongo que al mirar a los ojos al cínico de mi jefe y al desvergonzado del director de ese circo entendí que no merecía la pena malgastar ningún tipo de energía emocional. Desgasta demasiado. Así que fui constructivo y, educado hasta el final, I had enough to justify my internship with the university,,es,But when I announced that I was going,,es,you could feel the tension in the environment,,es,At first it seemed that nothing was happening and that they accepted it with elegance,,es,but as the date of my departure was approaching,,es,they began to get impatient,,es,They even asked me if I could stay a little longer,,es,fair for the Christmas campaign,,es,My cold and sharp "no" was enough to understand what he thought of that proposal,,es. Pero al anunciar que me iba, se podía palpar la tensión en el ambiente. Al principio parecía que no pasaba nada y que lo aceptaban con elegancia, but as the date of my departure approached, empezaron a impacientarse. Incluso me llegaron a preguntar si podía quedarme un poco más, lo justo para la campaña de navidad. Mi gélido y cortante “no” fue suficiente para entender lo que opinaba de esa propuesta. That's when I decided to move forward one day before,,es,and this contributed to antagonize them more,,es,But the straw that broke the camel's back was when I told them that the last day I had to leave for a couple of hours because ... I had an interview somewhere else,,es,It did not help that it was a little earlier that day and I guaranteed that I would leave my morning job well on track and without delays,,es, y esto contribuyó para contrariarles más. Pero la gota que colmó el vaso fue cuando les dije que el último día tenía que ausentarme un par de horas porque… me había surgido una entrevista en otro lugar.
De nada sirvió que fuera un poco antes ese día y les garantizara que dejaría mi trabajo de la mañana bien encaminado y sin retrasos. My boss put me in the office as if he were a criminal to reprimand me for my behavior and the very crafty told me that it was wrong for him,,es,"What else does it give you?",,es,if it's my last day,,es,"I thought,,es,"You already asked me",,es,But I just told him I could not miss that appointment,,es,To which he indicated that,,es,I could not hold back but I would have to justify this absence to human resources and maybe I would be deducted from the "payroll",,es,How much did that mean?,,es,Five euros of the wonderful,,es,eurazos that I received per month,,es. “¿Qué más te da, si es mi último día?” pensé yo, “you have already lost me”. Pero me limité a decirle que no podía faltar a esa cita. To which he replied that, obviously, I couldn't hold back, but I would have to justify that absence to human resources and maybe they would deduct it from my “payroll.”. ¿Cuánto suponía eso? Five of the wonderful 380 eurazos que percibía por mes? When I think that in a month of my previous job, I perceived almost what I gained with this riff-raff in five months in which -by the way- I worked as the most,,es,Or put another way,,es,An engineer / journalist with two masters who answered the telephone in English perceiving that shit,,es,And they still wanted me to stay,,es,So the day of my farewell,,es,in the morning,,es,I broke the particular silence that was in the office to tell my boss vaguely that I was going and then I was coming back,,es,He gave me a "voucher" without looking at me,,es, I get sick; o dicho de otra manera, How was it possible that an engineer/journalist with two master's degrees who answered the phone in English was perceiving that shit?? ¿Y todavía pretendían que me quedara?
Así que el día de mi despedida, por la mañana, rompí el particular silencio que había en la oficina para comunicarle a mi jefe de forma vaga que me iba y luego volvía. Él me devolvió un “vale” sin mirarme. I went outside and breathed the air that,,es,somehow,,es,It helped me to squeeze the muscles of my body with every stride I took towards the metro,,es,I was just in time,,es,But I did not want to go away more than strictly necessary,,es,Not after how the moods were,,es,And with the head still there,,es,I went to the interview,,es,They welcomed me in a "wework",,es,these facilities or nurseries that are so fashionable for small companies that do not have their own offices,,es,The position required an approximate one year experience,,es, de alguna manera, me ayudó a destensionar los músculos de mi cuerpo con cada zancada que daba hacia el metro. Iba con el tiempo justo, the truth. Pero no quería ausentarme más de lo estrictamente necesario. No después de cómo estaban los ánimos. Y con la cabeza todavía allí, me dirigí a la entrevista.
Me recibieron en un “wework”, estas instalaciones o viveros que están tan de moda para empresas pequeñas que no tienen oficinas propias. El puesto requería una experiencia de un año aproximado, and although I was not quite sure of my possibilities,,es,since I had been invited to the process I was not going to waste it,,es,The interview was with the CEO - a man who reminded me of Richard Vaughan - and it was a situation test in front of a laptop with the Google Adwords tool,,es,I took my glasses with resignation and thought,,es,"good,,es,It can not be that hard,,es,something has trasteado these months ",,es,But nerves,,es,added to the situation of hostility that I had just left in my office,,es, ya que me habían invitado al proceso no iba a desaprovecharlo. La entrevista fue con el CEO –un señor que de aspecto me recordaba a Richard Vaughan– y se trataba de un examen de situación frente a un portátil con la herramienta de Google Adwords. Cogí mis gafas con resignación y pensé, “bueno, no puede ser tan difícil. In the end, algo has trasteado estos meses”. Pero los nervios, sumados a la situación de hostilidad que acababa de dejar en mi oficina, they made me fail miserably in almost everything I was asked,,es,From looking like a clumsy slob with the tool to choosing an incorrect promotion strategy - which somehow he knew,,es,Not even the personal trick,,es,my main resource,,es,it was worth,,es,Apparently I did not explain myself well,,es,when I said "I was used to having a bad time",,es,I wanted to say to work under pressure,,es,Then my interlocutor told me that all his team "went there to be happy and have fun working",,es,Excuse,,es. Desde parecer un torpe de baba con la herramienta hasta elegir una estrategia de promoción incorrecta –que de algún modo lo sabía. Ni siquiera la baza personal, mi principal recurso, me valió. Apparently I didn't explain myself well when I said “I was used to having a hard time.”. Quería decir a trabajar bajo presión. Entonces mi interlocutor me dijo que todo su equipo “iba allí a ser feliz y pasarlo bien trabajando”. ¿Disculpa? I am the first to believe that a positive work environment can be achieved,,es,but that roll,,es,Teletubbie,,fi,it does not seem realistic,,es,There was evidenced the lack of,,es,feeling,,en,for me,,es,The case is that with paternalistic airs and a condescension that scolded me as if they were throwing salt in this wound of months and that had opened more with this terrible interview,,es,Vaughan's counterpart told me "he was a little green" and said goodbye to me, wishing me luck,,es, pero ese rollo teletubbie no me parece realista. Ahí se evidenció la falta de feeling por mi parte. El caso es que con aires paternalistas y una condescendencia que me escoció como si echaran sal en esta herida de meses y que se había abierto más con esta pésima entrevista, el homólogo de Vaughan me dijo “que estaba un poco verde” y se despidió de mí deseándome suerte. I corresponded the same to him for having dedicated his time to me and while I was crossing the sliding doors of the exit I felt how I was getting smaller as I mixed among the pedestrians,,es,At that time I wanted to go to bed and not think,,es,That the dream will take me very far and that my consciousness will be extinguished for a few moments,,es,But it was not possible,,es,I still had to finish my last day where my job had been in recent months,,es,I did not feel like returning to that office,,es.
En ese momento quería meterme en la cama y no pensar. Que el sueño se me llevara muy lejos y que mi consciencia se apagara por unos instantes. Pero no era posible. Todavía tenía que terminar mi último día en el que había sido mi puesto de trabajo en los últimos meses. No me apetecía nada volver a esa oficina. The afternoon passed quietly,,es,but it seemed interminable,,es,I spent time saying goodbye to the ones that mattered to me and the rest was quick management,,es,like when you take off a wax band,,es,in one go,,es,My boss gave me a warm "good luck" and plunged back into the screen of his computer that had not taken off his nose throughout the evening,,es,In his heart I knew he could not even look me in the face,,es,For me,,es,without any fear to say it out loud,,es,this experience had left me broken,,es,In the afternoon,,es, pero se me hizo interminable. I spent time saying goodbye to those I cared about and the rest was a quick process, como cuando te quitas una banda de cera: de un tirón. Mi jefe me dedicó un tibio “buena suerte” y volvió a sumergirse en la pantalla de su ordenador de la que no había despegado la nariz en toda la velada. En su fuero interno sabía que no podía ni mirarme a la cara. Por mi parte, sin temor alguno a decirlo en voz alta, esta experiencia me había dejado roto.
Por la tarde, I decided to upload an image to Facebook,,es,he was a leopard,,it,Soon I got likes from my contacts and comments about how nice the animal was or the photo itself,,es,Nobody noticed what he was doing,,es,he was licking his wounds,,es,Perhaps these were imperceptible - like those of the soul - for the lack of blood in the image,,es,but the truth is that I came to that photo looking in Google literally "lick the wounds",,es,That snapshot inspired me and I just went up because it was a way of expressing myself without attracting attention,,es: era un leopardo. Enseguida recibí likes de mis contactos y comentarios sobre cuán bonito era el animal o la foto en sí. Nadie se fijó en lo que estaba haciendo: se estaba lamiendo las heridas. Perhaps these were imperceptible – like those of the soul – due to the lack of blood in the image., pero lo cierto es que llegué a esa foto buscando en Google literalmente “lamerse las heridas”. Aquella instantánea me inspiró y precisamente la subí porque era una forma de expresarme sin llamar la atención. Now I tell it because that was the turning point for a new stage,,es,After a few days of rest,,es,I began to move tirelessly applying to countless selection processes,,es,I was encouraged to see the amount of offers and opportunities still despite being closing the year,,es,Of practices,,es,but ultimately opportunities,,es,I also updated my linkedin profile that,,es,by the way,,es,lately is flooded with comments from people who,,es,like me,,es,they look for an opportunity,,es.
Tras unos días de descanso, empecé a moverme incansablemente aplicando a infinidad de procesos de selección. Me animó ver la cantidad de ofertas y oportunidades aun a pesar de estar cerrando el año. De prácticas, but at the end of the day, opportunities. I also updated my Linkedin profile which, por cierto, últimamente está inundado de comentarios de personas que, como yo, buscan una oportunidad. The problem is that many of them beg for a job - they call them "plañideros" - and I think that,,es,besides giving a bad image,,es,it's not the way to attract quality work,,es,Certainly,,es,This atmosphere of generalized anguish due to the precariousness of the labor market in Spain was no stranger to me,,es,but I decided not to infect myself and look to the future with courage,,es,that no optimism,,es,because I did not want to delude myself and get disappointed again,,es,Then it happened,,es,my luck changed and suddenly they started calling me from several places at once,,es, además de dar una mala imagen, no es la manera de atraer un trabajo de calidad. Ciertamente, This atmosphere of general anxiety due to the precariousness of the labor market in Spain was no stranger to me., pero decidí no contagiarme y mirar al futuro con valentía, que no optimismo, porque no quería ilusionarme y volverme a desengañar.
Entonces ocurrió: mi suerte cambió y de repente empezaron a llamarme de varios sitios a la vez. At least I counted ten processes in just two weeks,,es,which meant that the dry-dock streak had broken and maybe being,,es,available - and not working as an engineer - had caused the companies to finally call me,,es,This confirmed that I had done well to dare to fly alone,,es,And finally - because all that effort would not have been the same without a result - in a few days I join the one that,,es,I hope,,es,It will be my new home for many years,,es, lo que significaba que la racha en dique seco se había roto y tal vez el estar 100% available – and not working as an engineer – had led to companies finally calling me. Esto me confirmaba que había hecho bien en atreverme a volar solo.
Y finalmente –porque todo ese esfuerzo no hubiera sido lo mismo sin un resultado– en unos días me incorporo a la que, espero, será mi nueva casa por muchos años. In the sector that I have studied and with many positive signals that are making me believe,,es,at last,,es,that there can be a happy ending,,es,Work is work,,es,we'll see,,es,And as in any company,,es,there will be its fringes and its little things,,es,But getting the long-awaited stability and having managed to get out of my previous nightmare will be one of the personal victories that I will best treasure in my life project,,es,Hopefully it will be like that,,es,The leopard,,es,or the inestimable ability to lick wounds,,es, por fin, que puede haber un final feliz. Trabajo es trabajo, vamos a ver. Y como en toda empresa, habrá sus flecos y sus cosillas. Pero conseguir la tan ansiada estabilidad y haber logrado salir de mi pesadilla anterior será una de las victorias personales que mejor atesoraré en mi proyecto vital. Ojalá sea así.